“So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.” Christopher Reeve

Now is a good time to pursue your dreams. Your life’s moving forward, you’re getting older and the reality is that each of us only gets one chance to live our life the way we want to. Each day we have a choice. Will we live the life we want or will we settle? Will we ask for help in making our dreams come true or will we keep our dreams locked up inside? Life is too short to settle, too short to give up on our dreams and too short to not ask for help with achieving our dreams.

I didn’t want to wait until I was 80 to live in Maine. I wanted to enjoy it now because who knows if I’ll be here at 80. I decided a year and a half ago to go after my big dream. And now I’m here living on a little island off the coast on Maine. But getting here was only part of my dream. The other dream I’ve had since I was a little girl was to be a lobsterwoman. I’ve dreamed of being out on a boat pulling up lobster traps, smelling the ocean and getting messy.

Last fall I was out walking the dog, enjoying the beauty of our island and thinking about my life here in Maine. As I approached the small island dock, I saw a lobsterman unloading traps from his boat. I watched for a while and then decided needed to talk to this man. I walked down to the end of dock and said, “Good morning.” He replied, “Good morning.” He didn’t pay much attention to me as he was busy doing his thing.

I continued, “Are you coming in for the day?” He said, “No, I’m just bringing in a few traps and then heading out.” I said, “Cool – I’ve always wanted to be a lobsterwoman. It’s been my life long dream.” He said, “Yeah – they all say that. You wouldn’t like it, it’s definitely not glamorous and most women can’t last a day. You’ll get dirty and it stinks” I said, “Oh really. I think I’d love it and I guess I won’t know until I try. I really have wanted to do this since I was a little girl.” Then he said, “You got boots?” I said, “Yeah, will you bring me out?” He said, “Are you sure you want to come? It’s not pretty and if you come you’re not coming back until later today.” I said, “Great – can you give me ten minutes to go home, change and put the dog in the kennel.” He said, “Sure I’ll come back to the dock and pick you up – just wait at the end.”

I ran home totally out of breath. I was so excited. I could not believe I was going to go out on a lobster boat. I returned home, changed and called my husband. I told him I was going out on a lobster boat with some guy, I hadn’t even asked his name, and I’d be home around 3 p.m. He thought I was nuts. I told him I’d be fine and if I didn’t come home by 3 p.m. to call the Coast Guard. He knew better than to tell me not to go. Although he told me he was a little nervous about the whole thing.

I ran back to the dock and the lobsterman was gone. I didn’t see his boat and I assumed he’d changed his mind. Yet I waited. I wasn’t going to give up that easily. And sure enough ten minutes later his boat came around the corner and he pulled up to the dock. He greeted me gruffly and put me to work. We immediately began hauling traps off the boat and up to the road. I then remembered to ask his name. His name was George – George the lobsterman, the guy who would help my dream come true.

After hauling traps up the dock, George brought me on the boat and told me I’d be his strernman for the day. He said, “I’ll show you what to do a few times and then you’re on your own.” Then he held up a five gallon bucket and said, “Here’s the bathroom if you need it.” Oh crap – I had forgotten that I might have to use the bathroom. I decided I’d hold it and not drink any liquids. I was going lobstering, who needed to go to the bathroom.

When I got on the boat, he gave me an orange apron, a pair of gloves and told me where to stand. I was smiling from ear to ear. I couldn’t believe it. The boat smelled of dead fish. I inhaled deeply – what an awesome smell. It was the smell of dreams coming true.

As we traveled to the first set of buoys, George gave me a quick lesson. He told me, “A sternman’s job is to complain. You need to complain and be mad all day because you get paid by how many lobsters we catch. I did not know this about being a sternman but I decided I’d be as gruff and crabby as he was and complain loudly. That was my job.

We pulled up the first set of traps and there were no lobsters in any of them. George yells, “I said complain. You need to be mad at me, the captain, for not catching any lobster.” So I yelled. As we approached the second set of buoys, George told me I could do it own my own this time. I’d watched carefully the last time and was sure I could do it. As he pulled up the traps we were once again without any lobsters. I unlocked each cage, dumped out the old bait and reloaded the bait bag with fresh bait. Although fresh is not the word I would use for the bait. The bait we used to refill the bait bags was fish that had been salted and dead for many days.

I worked hard and fast. He kept telling me to go faster and to yell more. I was working hard, yelling loudly and trying not to get my feet caught in the ropes. George warned me that lobstermen die from getting their feet caught in the ropes – I wasn’t going to let that happen to me.

Once I had loaded all the traps with bait, it was my job to push the first one off into the water to reset the string. It was exciting to see them drop off the back of the boat. We weren’t catching anything – I guess I wasn’t yelling enough.

By the fifth string on traps, we began catching lobster. Our luck was changing. I was so excited I was giddy. I screamed, “Look what we caught, look what we caught.” George reminded me, “There’ll be none of that, keep yelling and complaining.” So I kept yelling and rebaiting traps as fast as I could.

Once we took off to go to the next set of traps, my job was to put the rubber bands on the lobster’s claws and throw them into the live well. He showed me once and warned me to be careful not to get my finders pinched. I listened but within five minutes I had a lobster clamped onto my thumb. It hurt like crazy but I didn’t want George to see. I just held my hand up and hoped the lobster would drop off my thumb before it drew blood. Thankfully it let go and we were on to the next set of traps.

The day was awesome, the sea was beautiful, the weather was perfect and I was having the time of my life. By mid day we had pulled up over 100 traps and had caught over 100 pounds of lobster. My body hurt in areas I never imagined but I was not going to let that stop me.

On the way back to the dock, George told me he was just a part-time lobsterman and that all fishermen really are liars. He’d been pulling my leg all day but I didn’t mind – it was fun. He also told me I could stern with him anytime. He was impressed with how hard I worked. As we headed for land, George shared all kinds of lobster stories with me and taught me to drive the boat.

We arrived back at the dock safe and sound. He gave me 16 lobsters to take home for dinner as my payment for the day. I said thanks and began walking home, smelly and content, with a bag full of lobsters.

Dreams do come true. But in order for some dreams to come true we need to ask for what we need. A friend of mine once said to me, “Michelle you do not have what you want because you are afraid to ask for it.” I was not afraid that day. I took a risk and asked for what I wanted and it happened.

I challenge you to ask for what you need. Start by asking for small things. Practice asking with safe people. Develop your skills. In order for you to have the life you want – you must ask others for what you need.

7 Keys to Asking for What You Need

1. Follow your gut. When you feel that you should ask for what you need from someone – do it. Often we do not trust our gut and we lose out on opportunities.

2. Make a list. Once you have written down your dreams, make a list of people who could help you with your dream. A detailed list will help you to focus on who you need to talk to and what you need to ask of them.

3. Practice. Asking for what you need can be scary. Practice asking for small things from safe people and then work you way up to asking for the harder things.

4. Be brave. Asking requires courage. It takes courage to ask people for help. We are more apt to give help than to ask for it. Be brave and ask for what you need.

5. Have accountability. Find support in your journey of asking for what you need. That way when you get discouraged you will have others to cheer you on.

6. Accept NO! Accept the fact that not everyone will be willing to help you. It’s not about you. There are people out there who are willing to help – believe that.

7. Keep asking. Some people will say “no” that’s just life. Don’t let a “no” keep you from asking again. Think of a “no” as a “next” and ask again. Eventually you’ll get a yes.