– Your Biggest Working Mom Questions: Family and Childcare
– Event Slideshow
And now we bring you Part II of our content round-up from the Executive Moms Spring Luncheon, with highlights on the questions involving Family and Childcare:
Q: How much should we tell our kids about our current financial situation?
Relationships and Family expert Dr. Gail Saltz: The stress from financial issues first puts pressure on a marriage, as spouses struggle with their own identities, insecurities, and feelings of competition. That of course can seep into what children sense or hear. Children can fantasize the worst possible scenarios— ones typically worse than the reality. Thus it’s better to be honest with your kids, but above all let them know that your number one priority is taking care of them, and loving them (the main thing they need to know)… and that from that standpoint things will really be okay. In tough times children need to feel safe and reassured that what’s going on is not their fault. Older children may benefit from being made to feel part of the solution, whether that means doing some babysitting or just helping out more at home.
Q: In the face of tighter times, are there (realistic) ways to adapt your childcare?
Childcare expert Sheila Marcelo: This is a time where you can be honest and a bit more creative in coming up with solutions to adapt your childcare. For example, normally parents don’t want to share babysitters because the good ones are hard to find, but now, sharing is a lot more acceptable as a possibility for saving money. I’m seeing people increasingly open to different options now, from creating babysitting co-ops (a built-in playdate!) to bartering, to simply cutting back on how long you are out for a date night so that you pay fewer hours for the babysitter. Sharing a nanny can also be a possibility if you lose a job and need fewer hours weekly for childcare; it might be preferable to share your nanny instead of being forced to let someone terrific go.
Q: How do you pick the right extra-curricular activities for your child? (The right number, the right ones… especially with some parents worried about “resume building!”)
Gail: First of all in terms of the “resume building,” you might have a child who really wants to learn Mandarin… but if they are pushed too hard, you will likely wind up with a child who speaks perfect Chinese… on Xanax! In fact, 20% of kids will present with some sort of anxiety disorder this year. Play is important! We need to give kids time for free thinking. It’s therefore important to know the difference between encouraging, and pushing. One way to ensure this is to do more listening than talking. In other words, don’t “listen” by saying “don’t you love it???”
And on connecting with your children:
Gail: Never apologize for working. Never say, ‘I wish I were home with you” — it then only begs the question, “well then why aren’t you?’”
Finance expert Jean Chatzky: As Jamie Lee Curtis once told me, it’s the subtlest word choices that can make a huge difference. Never say ‘Mommy has to go to work.” Try instead saying Mommy ‘wants to,’ or simply ‘is’ going to… go to work. It’s a small nuance that can make a big difference in the message they take away.
Gail: When you are with your children, be present. Put the Blackberry down! If you are always multi-tasking by being on the Blackberry when you are with them, you are actually teaching them to be disrespectful, if not rude… and they may feel like they aren’t really being heard.
ABC anchor and event moderator Cynthia MacFadden: Even if you happen to be using the Blackberry on your kids’ behalf, to arrange a playdate or schedule something just for them– kids don’t really care. If you need to use your Blackberry, take it into another room.
Career expert Tory Johnson: I have to confess I was on “Good Morning America,” doing a segment with Diane Sawyer about the importance of turning off the Blackberry… and my entire family started screaming at the TV from home: “liar!” They even called Diane to complain! So she agreed that if they ever do a segment like this again, next time they’ll get the real deal from me!
And from one of our many smart, fabulous guests: In thinking about how much children pick up on the signals we send and the mood we project, to quote Carl Jung, “the most significant effect on kids is the unlived lives of their parents.”
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View the Photo Album from the Executive Moms Spring Luncheon
For more photo highlights of our event, take a look at the album we just posted to executivemoms.com. (Best to view it in slideshow format). Comment and share your favorites!
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