First, let me start with what some might deem a girlish tendency– the need to apologize. I haven’t blogged in a while (though I have sufficiently chastised myself for not doing so). I’m really sorry. It can get a little busy doing this on top of navigating the shifting tides of the corporate ocean I swim daily.

A few weeks ago, the New York Times ran a piece which put an interesting gender-based spin on this navigating, finding that there is a great deal of “bullying” in the workplace … with more than a fair share of it coming from women. http://bit.ly/drEJ2

According to this piece, male bullies are equal opportunity offenders — but the women bullies among us tend to prey on our own kind. It poses the question: how can women break through the glass ceiling if we are too busy ducking blows from other women in the hallways?

I used to feel that the definition of post-modern feminism was to think of gender as a non-issue. Yet with each year of work and life experience gained, I’ve come to realize how naive that earlier notion was. In good and less than good ways, it matters. And it should therefore matter that the soft-hewn ties of sisterhood that could bind us in so many lovely ways are often so tattered and twisted in the world of work. (Probably the playground too, but that’s another story).

I didn’t like bullies when I was 4, and I do not like them any better at 40. But I happen to think the far more prevalent bad behavior among women is one that is more insidious: those little acts of undermining, demeaning and usurping that we have almost all experienced. A death by a thousand cuts. Having spent the majority of my career in industries heavily populated by women, the colleagues who have unhinged me most with their behavior and spurred the biggest cyclones of emotional upheaval were – women. My sad related admission: I haven’t been mentored enough by other women, or witnessed enough mentoring, even as the world tends to deem mentoring a “feminine” characteristic.

Underlying so much of this less-than-ideal behavior is Insecurity, and perhaps some of it is well-founded. The research firm Catalyst has found that women must work twice as hard as men to achieve the same level of recognition and prove they can lead. Further research shows that no matter how women choose to lead, they are perceived as “never just right.” Is it any wonder we aren’t more relaxed and generous with each other?

There are some brighter counterpoints to all this. Just as some of the most maddening work relationships I have had have been with other women, many of my funniest, wisest, shrewdest and kindest colleagues have indeed been women. (It’s enough to make me still feel hopeful and expectant. Or start a women’s organization, or something)…

In the grown-up world we don’t choose up sides like a big Red Rover game and insist on making ours just the girls team. Nor should we. However, as a Canadian researcher quoted in this NY Times piece stated, “a sense of pride in women’s accomplishments is important in getting women to help one another. To have this sense of pride, women need to be aware of their shared identity as women.”

And as one other woman in this piece observed, “we’re taught or led to believe that we don’t get ahead because of men. But we really don’t get ahead because of ourselves. Instead of building each other up and showcasing each other, we’re constantly tearing each other down. The time has come for us to really deal with this relationship that women have to women, because it truly is preventing us from being as successful in the workplace as we want to be and should be.”

Sorority handshake anyone?