Hot Topics:
Archives
new hot topics are now in The Lounge. here are some
oldies but goodies worth having a look see.
click title to show the comments.
| How would you best sum up your feelings about, and relationship with, your children's caregiver? |
|---|
| How would you best sum up your feelings about, and relationship with, your children's caregiver? |
|
|---|
| Name |
Marisa |
| Location |
New York, NY |
| Comment |
We kept our first nanny for 2 and a half years, and now with the perfect vision of hindsight I realize it was at least a year too long. Vee was like having a loving but belligerent teenage daughter-- she adored our daughter Hannah but her frequent flashes of disrespect combined with a neediness made it all a lot of work-- for us. (And you know, when she told me she needed to have an abortion, and asked me if I could pay for it, I suppose that was a good CLUE... though not even the one that we finally heeded)! Our current nanny, Geeta, has been with us for almost four years now. I joked (only partly) that I had our second daughter Avery a year ago to make sure we had good reason to keep Geeta around for the next several years. Is she perfect? No. But as she and I laughed after 'making up' following the one big 'fight' we had had-- every marriage has its spats, and in many ways our relationship with Geeta has the intimacy of a marriage (I do not mean this literally). Like a marriage, there are moments where I find myself irritated that she didn't do something the way I had thought it should be done. (And much as I don't want to think it, I'm sure there are times when the irritation is mutual). However, all it takes is seeing how much my daughters love and appreciate her... or, frankly one day when she is out sick... for me to realize how much she is the glue that holds it all together. |
|
|---|
| Name |
Angela |
| Location |
|
| Comment |
I became a single mom when my daughter was 2. Working two jobs and going to college, I needed someone who was willing to provide more than full time childcare. Fortunately, I was blessed to have a retired couple who had been caring for her for a year at this point and they were wonderful. Ironically for more than 2 years I resented them...perceived their guidance, remarks and effort as judgement of me, my choices and my circumstances. But I needed them. It wasn't until I finally realized that they were the family I didn't have (nearby), who adored my daughter, and were the ones who made everything I did particularly during those first couple of years, possible and easier...that I called them and thanked them for all they have done. That conversation transformed our relationship. My daughter is 6 now and they still pick her up from school and she stays there for sleepovers. I'm home a lot more now but they are as critical a part of my life now as ever before. Sometimes a relationship with your nanny or childcare provider can be transformed simply by your perception of them and expressing genuine appreciation for all they do. |
|
|---|
| Name |
SusyH |
| Location |
Berkeley,CA |
| Comment |
Marco, has been in Day Care since he was 3 months old. His first provider, Bobbi, in the Infant Room, absolutely adored him, and made herself available to chat with me whenever I came to pick him up. Having 4 children of her own, I'd like to think that she understood what a 1st time mom goes through, when returning to work. Every little gesture, new discovery was mutually shared, and she even sang him to sleep - something she admitted never doing for any other child in her care before. In her I had the confindence that his needs were being looked after, that his development was being incouraged, and that none of the "1sts" were going to be taken from me. The Day Care closed due to unforetunate cirumstances revolving around Oracle. But, Bobbi (along with her daughters) still baby sit Marco when we have a need and take him into the family day care she has now, when our present Day Care is closed or has a holidays my husband and my companies don't observe. As he evolved to a walking toddler his "transition Room and Tolddler Room" teachers were equally supportive of him, my husband and myself, and reveled in his attempts at mimekery of adults, as well as his attempts at escape and his absolute charming smile, and shared all these and more details with me at pick-up time. Marco is now in a large family day care, and his experienced, even-handed teacher is just what we were looking for to complement our previous experience. We have been lucky, and all his day care providers have been very good, very supportive for him and us as working parents, and generous in their sharing of Marco's development, discoveries, and changes. |
|
|---|
| Name |
AG |
| Location |
NY |
| Comment |
First, our successful nanny story: We had a warm, loving "family" relationship with our nanny who took care of our daughter for 2+ years when she was a toddler. Our nanny invited us for Thanksgiving at her house, we exchanged Christmas gifts, etc. We did have our occasional disagreements too, but that was minor compared to the warmth that we shared -- which I felt immediately by the way, when I first met her. The relationship was so good that we kept in touch even after a move out-of-state and visited her many years later. We continue to care about each other like family.
Our not-successful nanny story: When our daughter was a 1-year-old, we had another nanny from Serbia who definitely had an attitude. I kept hoping that it would work out, and tried to have frank conversations with her on a regular basis, but it was ultimately doomed. One day, she just didn't show up to work and never answered the phone. It left us in a huge bind where my husband and I had to do tag-team parenting & re-arranged work schedules until we found the wonderful nanny (story above).
Bottom-line: Trust your gut! If you don't feel comfortable despite all credentials on paper, then it's not right for you. |
|
|---|
| Name |
Melissa |
| Location |
San Francisco, CA |
| Comment |
We have 3 children under six and have had relationships with five nannies and au pairs so far, all of whom have worked out well except one. I've learned from this experience that one of the most crucial factors in a successful caregiver relationship is respect. I will only ever hire someone who has an open, respectful attitude towards my husband and me and is happy to take instruction. We had one au pair with a resentful attitude and looking back now, we never should have kept her as long as we did because it made the atmosphere in our home unbelievably stressful- and it didn't have to be that way. With both parents working, there's enough stress, and life is too short. If we ever have another issue like this with a nanny, I've learned it's so key to bring it out into the open and address it before it builds up to an unbearable level- and if the attitude doesn't change, you need to move on and let her go.
Likewise, we require of our children that they respect the nanny and treat her like a family member. From the time they can talk they learn to say "thank you for your help" each day when she finishes work, "thank you for our dinner", etc. We also have a routine where they give her a big hug and kiss when she leaves each day so that she feels appreciated and not like she just finished 12 hours at a thankless job. :)
|
|
|---|
|
